Remaking Robin Hood

by Gan Na Bai from Talk Cock News Agency

For the past hundreds of years, the poor of England have been living in relative comfort, having had champions in the guise of Robin Hood and his merry man. Robin Hood as we all know, has been reknowned for stealing from the rich and giving to the poor. In fact, The International Herald Tribune ( a poor replacement of our GLORIOUS and extremely Non-POLITICAL States Times) has named Robin Hood as one of the worst Villains ever to roam merry ole England.

However, it appears that things have changed. Friar Fark, our very own TCNA correspondent has reported an alarming trend. For the past few days, many of the poor have suddenly been accosted and robbed. There are even more disturbing reports that Robin Hood and his gang are involved. At the time of this report, the Sherriff's office has issued the following press statement.

" At long last someone has decided to do something about these underachieving overassuming leeches. Its a wonder why they have survived so long in a society which I quote is by far the survival of the fittest.Its time they got out of our Elite uncaring faces."

It appears that the statement was drafted by the Sherriff's daughter. When asked by our correspondent how can a custodian of the law use such foul language to describe the less unfortunate, the Sherriff replied that "if u cut thru the language, her point is basically there. Some people just cant take the brutal truth."

Meanwhile, it appears that Robin Hood has decided to lift the veil of secrecy by handing a written statement to the press. While TCNA cannot confirm the truthfulness of the statement, we have decided to publish the letter in full...

" Dear All, after playing hide and seek with the sherriff and his gang for the past hundreds of years, we have decided to stop trying to effect our change from the outside and have chosen to be CO-opted into the system. Thus we have decided to take our cue from a certain country that was once Britain's Impregnable Fortress in the Far East. After creating a committee to study the feasibility of our party's operations, we have decided that opposition to the ruling party is futile and have decided to try and effect changes from within, which is what many members of the ruling party in the former colony have done. Rest Assured that we will ensure No One is left behind, so unless ur No One, u wont be left behind. Furthermore we have adopted one of their proposals, which is to steal from the poor and give to the poor. This is because if u steal from the rich, the rich will see their incomes decrease and will become more corrupt. Therefore i encourage all good citizens to close ranks under my new motto, Staying Together and Moving Forward. Thank you."