Breaking News: 2 Cpls sent to DB
by Talkcock News Agency

Just yesterday, 2 cpls of the SAF were sentenced to 9 mths in DB. Their crime? For writing vulgarities in a USMS form (some kind of form where u write ur thoughts on how to improve the system, then the paper is either thrown away or left somewhere; then ur asked to write more forms so as to complete some kind of quota, but of course the cycle repeats itself and the feedback is never considered by the powers that be).

While the name of the corporals has not been released to the press, the SAF have sent their spokesmen, SSG Hong Lai Shu (translated to Pineapple Soh) , to give a statement.

" The two peepur uh...do the wrong thing... so must be punished. Write vulgarity on the USMs form is a serious chart and hen must be deat wit so that can preserve the image of the Assaf."

Naturally TNA did not know what the F he was saying, especially after it was revealed that Hong Lai did not know how to spell cement, calling it semen , and pronouncing discretion as description so our reporters went on the ground to find out more. Apparently the 2 Cpls were what people would call hokkien peng, thus the heavy sentence meted out as they 1) had no mini-star to write a letter for them, 2) had no results to act as mitigating factor and lastly had no talent in playing piano, which ruled out a fine. On further questioning, our informants on the ground revealed that the two cpls had been forced to fill up 10 usms forms otherwise they would face a penalty for "disobeying superior orders". In desperation they gave feedback on how to improve the welfare of the NSFs. When a copy was given to our senior correspondent Gan Ni Na, he was surprised to find that there was no F word or even the commonly used CB in the form. When quizzed further, the informant finally passed this slip of paper with the following words;

“We have treated welfare as a dirty word. The opposition, I think the Workers’ Party, has called for a ‘permanent unconditional needs-based welfare system’. I think that is an even dirtier five words,” he (PM Lee) said in a speech on Nov. 13.